Posted 5:47 PM by Michelle
Okay, so, seriously, I know I've been complaining about the weather since this whole thing began but this is ridiculous. It's the end of May, it's raining, cold, and windy, and it's time. It's time to give us New Yorkers a break. This sucks, Ma Nature, and I expect you to make it up to us shortly. I want a month in the 70's and low 80's, no kidding around. I want June to be sunny and warm but stay away from the century mark on the thermometer. Seriously. The last two Junes, on my birthday, which for those of you who don't know is June 26th, it has been steamy, heavy hot. I want to not sweat on my birthday. Other than in yoga class.

So in this sucky rainy day, I rode my bike. In the rain and cold. I had to ride three different places, one in Brooklyn and two in Manhattan, to pick up my reference forms from the lovely people who I chose to recommend me. My fourth stop was at the Peace Corps office on Varrick, right here in good ol New York. I chatted with the kind reception woman who seemed to think that if Africa is where I want to go, it will not be a problem. I think I will also throw in a bid for the Pacific, since there are some awfully pretty islands out there. Ideally, I want to work in forestry or agriculture, because I feel I can do EMT stuff and AIDS awareness anywhere I go, and it would be great to do triple duty. I am supposed to call next week to set up my interview, and if I pass that, there are two more hurdles: a background check, and a health exam. I am not worried in the least about either. My only health issue is my sight, and if they didn't let people with bad eyesight in the Peace Corps I'm afraid they wouldn't have a fraction of volunteers that they do now. Who knows, maybe in the background check they will discover some of Sean and I's trickery when we were early teenagers... but I'm telling you, the Judson Pie incident was entirely called for. And so was the Boat incident. That's all I'm going to say about that.

It's not quite 9 on a Friday night, and I am debating whether to go into the city to buy a good map, or to curl up in my bed and watch The Fellowship of the Ring for the billionth time. That's right, I'm as cool and popular as they get. Actually, I turned down plans tonight simply because I didn't want to go out in this weather. So C'MON, ya'll, turn the heater up on my city! Yeesh.

Posted 10:36 PM by Michelle
It's amazing how you can live in a place for years and never see some of the most beautiful things that are a mile from your door. In the last three days, my best friend Anastasia and I have gone to Coney Island (where we rode the rides and ate ears of corn on the beach), walked the Brooklyn Bridge, explored Chinatown and Little Italy, ate dinner at a restaurant that was transplanted from Tuscany, saw live music in on the Lower East Side, and sat in a Ben and Jerry's for two hours and talked about the our past together and apart, the present state of our disgusting government (had to throw that in there) and our futures. Anastasia found out last week that she won a Fulbright-Hayes, which will fund her research in Vanuatu and Indonesia. Years ago she thought about applying to the Peace Corps, and so is thrilled that I'm headed in the same direction. Both of us hope to be overseas by the end of the year, and she has promised to come visit me wherever I land. And if I don't get into the Peace Corps (which is not an option as far as I am concerned, I will go visit her in Vanuatu. It would be amazing if I could do both.

I'm already starting to dream about what I could do if I get in. I could give up my apartment early, spend some serious time here with my New York family, some serious time with my California family, quit my job a month early. All good stuff. Here's another things I'm thinking... I have $4000 in credit card debt. I also have terrible eyesight, requiring contacts and glasses and all sorts of other evil devices which might not be
readily available in the jungle. So... here in New York, certain hospitals are paying women $7000 for their eggs. I mean, the ones in our ovaries. I don't know how much the general public knows about this procedure but a good friend of mine has done it three times and the only after effects were a fatter bank account. 7 grand would get me out of debt and more than pay for laser surgery to improve my eyeballs. My only concern would be that both procedures would be pretty taxing to get done in the same summer. But it would put me in a great place- frankly, a safer one- if I didn't have to rely on contacts and glasses to see. I'm basically blind without them.

Just another idea I thought I'd put out there in cyber-world...

Tonight Anastasia and I were fantasizing about kicking a certain someone in the... I mean, is it illegal to simply want to kick someone where it would really hurt? I know the threat of physical hurt is illegal (assault) but what if someone makes you really, really mad, so mad that you lose hope, and you daydream about walking up to him and saying, 'THIS IS FOR ALLOWING SNOWMOBILES IN YELLOWSTONE!!!!" SMACK! One well-placed foot. Ah, well. A girl can dream.

Posted 8:19 PM by Michelle
Christmas of 1987 might of been the worst of my life. The only thing I asked for, a bird cage, was faithfully delivered even though my mom was selling original works of art just to pay the rent. The bird cage, when I opened it, became a symbol of my life, one which was fifteen years old and filled with misery and angst born out of a terrible divorce (and, truth be told, regular fifteen-year-old unhappiness). But then I got to open one of the presents to the whole family, sent from Kent and Melissa in Iowa. I tore off the paper to find a sweet little picture frame, and inside, a picture of my first nephew Sean.

I always thought Sean Patrick would be blessed, since his namesake was (and is) my life-long hero. Every time I see him again I am astounded at his intelligence, his humor, his very Williams-ness, and mostly, how freaking cool he is. Cooler than most of us Williams could ever hope to be. And when i was all of fifteen years old, absolutely beside myself thinking my life would always be this bad, a tiny picture of my beautiful nephew made all of the difference. I ignored the rest of my presents (particularly the cage) and did nothing but stare at what was the most beautiful child I had ever seen. That picture, in some random strange way, gave me hope. I must of known the terrific man he would one day be, and somehow, even for a few minutes, everything was going to be okay.

Posted 8:00 PM by Michelle
Okay, yeah, so it's been a ridiculously long time, but if you were living my life right now, you'd understand. To make up for it, I'm going to post the blogs I've written while on the road or away, most likely with typos and all. So here we go:

May 16

I'm sitting on a train with my dad and Carole, heading upstate to check out some restaurants for the rehearsal dinner. It's been a long, strange week. The man I've been, well, sleeping with for seven months ha decided to call it quits. I applied to the Peace Corps. My dad has approached me with a buisiness proposition that is hard to refuse. My head is spinning.

I'm sad about the lover thing. He was barely more than that, so I am not heartbroken, but it is still... disheartening, I guess, since he was the first person I've spent any time with since my ex and I broke up. But it also wasn't altogether good, so in the end, it is a really good thing that it is over. Pearls before swine, my whole romantic life has been, and at least this time I did not hang my heart out.

Peace Corps. Really excited about it. I'm already in phase 2- getting my references together, approving my backround check, narrowing down my skills and where I could best be put to use. My recruiter is a youngish-sounding man who I think is out of the office pretty often, as we have yet to connect on the phone. But it is even a good process for me, as it clarifies what it is I want to do.

The business proposition... I'll talk about that more when I have more knowledge.

Beyond that, work, work, work. Little more in my life right now. My best friend in the whole wide world Anastasia is coming to town this week, which will be great, and she is also one who is a terrific ear when I dion't know what to do. She's coming at just the right time.

May 18th

So it is several days later and my long crazy week is only getting longer. Tess and i got up this morning at 5 to get me to the train on time to get me back to work in Manhattan. But the only train was a little too early and now I am sitting in University Diner (Restaurant? Who knows) typing away before my eggs benedict arrive. I have to have an expensive breakfast because you have to blow $10 here to use a credit card. Alas, I'll have to follow it with pancakes.

I had a really lovely and way too short visit with my Dad- so many more things to talk about, so little time just the two of us. Wow. I wish I could go back to fifteen year old me and tell me that someday I would write that very sentence.

So why does it not freak me out to be away from the artistic world for over two years? Why does that feel totally okay except for when I stop and think it shouldn't? The thing is, I can write. maybe I can even get a writing gig while over there, maybe with an online zine or something. I would be totally satisfied with that life. I think. Who am I kidding, I have no idea.

It's a really pretty day. A woman just rode by, very slowly, with another woman on her handlebars. They both had red hair trailing down almost to the seat of the bike.

The last few days I've had a really hard time keeping it together. On and off, I just feel so overwhelmed and almost out of control.