Posted 11:13 AM by Michelle
At work, and so unable to write as much as I'd like, or take the time I'd like, but I have to take my online opportunities when I can.

It's hard to motivate oneself when there are so many darn parties to attend. It's fun, though- I'm making up for all the invitations I've refused over the years. Tonight is the winery party. The bus picks us up at 4:30 and then we are off to San Francisco. I'm hoping it will be an uncomplicated good time. Tomorrow is Christmas with my Dad, Monday is the holiday dinner with the Estate House staff, and then Tuesday I fly to New York. My friend Hayley always says that the best possible situation is doing something you've been looking forward to, but in that same moment have yet another good event in the near future. I feel pretty lucky right now, as far as that goes. Every day in New York will be a day spent with super good people.
Every day ahead of me has something I want to do, people I want to see.

Last night was a party at the wine Co-op here in St. Helena, and everyone who stores wine there was invited. It was a huge warehouse, and everyone in the biz had to bring a bottle of wine. There were round tables dotted all over the floor covered in about a hundred different bottles. Every table had an opener attached, and we walked around and tried everything enticing. Which was many a bottle. I saw a bunch of people I'd seen at other events, danced a little bit, drank some terrific wine. Not a bad time. If only I had a digital camera, and a high-speed internet connection, I too could decorate my blog in Ianesque style.

I'm hoping for snow on Christmas, hoping everyone digs the stuff I got them. Hoping I can make some good New Year's resolutions.

Posted 10:15 PM by Michelle
It has become increasingly clear to me, particularly tonight after watching Santa roll through New York City (in the movie "Elf") that I need to get off my ass. And I don't mean just *here*, I mean entirely. I've oft considered myself completely full of shit, and admitted to it publicly time and time again, but that's just the first of many steps. I can sit around and think to myself, "Well, I may be full of shit, but at least I admit it" until cows fly but ultimately that is what saddens me about me.

I can't begin to write about what I want to write about. What is clear to me is who I need near me. I need to be here, right now, and I need to do some of the things I should have been doing for years. But I need to create my environment. I guess, at 31, I've finally realized that it is not going to fall in my lap. I also know I can whittle away the hours through play and booze, and believe me, there is something to be said for that, but I'm not going to move any mountains by sitting on my ass and killing valuable brain cells (albeit on terrific Cabernet).

I wish, I dearly wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. But it's not the same feeling as I had in New York, dreading to go have my life and artistry sapped from my body as I skillfully served sullen solvent saps superlative slop. It's that I just realized I've had almost two months here, in this land of opportunity. I've had a darn good time. It's time to get cracking.

Posted 8:50 PM by Michelle
It pains me to not be in New York right now. I don't know how many of my fair readers actually read my blog independently of my brother Ian's, so I can assume that most of you read his latest post. It is so strange to me that I don't know what he's talking about- I don't know who lied to him and Tessa about investing in the Pink House. I can only imagine what they are feeling these days. And I am no longer a ten-minute walk (albeit through snow and storm, at this point) from their apartment so I cannot cuddle up to the ever-present cheese board, watch some bad cable, and get to the heart of what has happened in my absence. I cannot wait to see my New York family. Ian, Tess, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.

I went to a party last night and got home at 9 this morning. These are fun days. But when my friend Christopher asked me why I'm not writing as much as I wish I was, I listed a dozen excuses, all of them essentially lame. I don't know why I'm not writing, other than not having a computer on which to write. This, too, I could somehow circumnavigate, if only I could a) read my own longhand writing or b) feel comfortable saving work on other people's computers (which I just cannot do. I've never felt comfortable doing this).

I am vastly lucky, deeply grateful for my current living situation. It's time to actually start doing something concrete for my artistic life.